FOR CONTEXT: In Oregon, under OYSA, tryouts begin tomorrow! Monday, May 12th is go time, and arguably the most consequential day of the year for the majority of our 90-or-so clubs around the state, and certainly those in the Portland-Metro area where competition for players is huge.
Each spring, tryout season kicks off across Oregon, and with it comes a whirlwind of decisions for families. It’s a time filled with hope, nerves, and often pressure. I have the privilege of being the Executive Director of Oregon Youth Soccer Association, so I do get a somewhat unique look behind the scenes at how different clubs operate, what they’re selling to families, and how that aligns—or doesn’t—with healthy long-term development for kids.
I’ll start with the obvious point that there are many well-intentioned clubs out there doing great work with kids, and many are led by passionate people who truly care. Some of my favorite human beings in the soccer world, work in the Portland and Corvallis areas. But let’s also be honest: youth sports is a business. That doesn’t make it bad—great experiences and meaningful development can and do happen inside of business structures—but we have to stop pretending it isn’t part of the equation. Clubs are competing for players and dollars, and that competitive environment means parents have to be especially mindful of the culture being created. Is it a culture that values the kids, or the optics? A culture that builds love of the game, or builds pressure to produce? Understanding a club’s true priorities—beneath the marketing—is one of the most important steps a family can take.
There are many great clubs out there, and when kids get into their teenage years, some of the more performance-focused messaging starts to make sense. But at younger ages—say, U13—what you hear in those initial conversations matters. It sets the tone for your child’s experience in the game, and too often, what’s being sold to parents sounds like opportunity when it’s really something else.
Subtle Red Flags: What You Might Hear and Why It Matters
One of the most important things I try to help parents recognize is that the real warning signs don’t usually come in the form of blatant pressure or aggressive sales tactics. They’re far more subtle—and sometimes sound like compliments.
Take this example: you’re attending an info session or speaking one-on-one with a coach of a U11 team and one of the first things they mention is, “Last year, we won the ABC Cup, lost two games all season and only got scored on twice all year.”
Now, winning is fun. Competition is fun. That’s part of what makes soccer exciting. But if a coach’s opening line is about their record instead of how they helped their players grow, that’s a signal. It tells you where their focus lies—and more importantly, what your child will be valued for.
Another common one: “We’re a Premier-level team that travels to Seattle for tournaments in the summer to prep for the Fall season”. Sounds impressive, right? But for an 11-year-old, the question shouldn’t be, “How far can we drive?” It should be, “How far can we grow?”
Even hearing something like “We train four days a week, and the kids who are really committed are expected to be at every session,” sounds like a positive at first. But at the younger ages, this can unintentionally squeeze out multi-sport kids, kids who need a little more flexibility, or simply those who haven’t fully fallen in love with soccer yet. At that age, it’s far more important to nurture enthusiasm than to demand year-round commitment. (Side note: that sentence was from an actual email I received from a parent of a 2014 player last week).
And here’s another one we see all too often: “We need your commitment within 24 to 48 hours or we’ll need to offer the spot to someone else.”
On the surface, that might seem reasonable—teams need to form rosters, after all. But in practice, this is a pressure tactic. It creates an artificial sense of urgency that prevents families from exploring all their options. If your child tries out at one club on a Monday but wants to explore another on Wednesday, you may feel stuck. And that’s exactly the point. Do they need you, or do they need your money. If you’re hearing that sentence during tryouts or a follow up email, I can assure you it is the latter.
These short windows aren’t about fairness or logistics—they’re about locking players in before they have time to see what else might be a better fit. As a parent, you should never feel rushed into making a year-long commitment in a matter of hours. Clubs that value transparency and development will give families space to make informed decisions—not ultimatums.
The Marketplace Illusion
We have to be honest: youth soccer in many areas has become a marketplace. It certainly is in Portland. Clubs are competing for players, and tryouts can feel like a sales pitch. There’s nothing wrong with presenting a well-run program or being proud of what your club offers. But some clubs lean into marketing tactics that blur the line between development and recruitment.
Another clip from a real email: “We offer a clear path to college exposure through our PRE-ECNL program”.
For a 15- or 16-year-old who’s ready for that next step, great—let’s talk pathways. But if you’re hearing that from a club that’s talking to your 9-year-old, something’s off. No one needs college exposure at age nine. What they need is to learn to dribble under pressure, enjoy practice, and come home asking when the next game is. ‘PRE-anything’ is creating the assumption that it is on offer, and that’s the natural progression. For some it will be, but for most it isn’t at that age. As a parent, how attractive would it sound if you heard that the only ‘PRE’ a club was selling was how to give them the tools to be good students, husbands/wives, or responsible adults who can cope with what life throws at them (because that’s what they’re 99% most likely to become).
When you’re being sold an experience that’s years down the road before your child can even tie their cleats properly, that’s not opportunity—it’s marketing.
What Matters at the Right Time
This isn’t to say that exposure, competition, and performance don’t matter. They do—but timing is everything.
- At ages 7–12, the goal should be simple: joy, development, and confidence. Can the player leave practice a little better than they came in? Are they smiling on the ride home? Are they building relationships, not just results?
- Around ages 13–14, we can start talking about structure and commitment. Are they developing good training habits? Are they starting to set their own goals? The best clubs introduce accountability without killing the fun.
- By ages 15–17, ambition naturally rises. If a player is truly committed to high-level soccer, it’s okay to lean into performance metrics, college showcases, and competitive playing time. But even then, the focus should still be on development and well-being, not just output.
Behind the Scenes: What I See
One of the privileges of my role is that I get to see what parents don’t always see—how decisions are made, and conversations are had, ‘behind the curtain’. A lot of clubs do this with integrity. They talk about their players like they’re people first, not just performers. They collaborate, reflect, and make choices rooted in growth.
But others? I see rosters built not on player potential but on club politics. I hear conversations about tactics preventing players from leaving for another club. I receive emails from parents clarifying what they’ve been told by clubs and the pressure being applied to 10, 11, and 12-year-olds to “lock in” for a full-year commitment when they should still be exploring the game.
I’ve spoken with families whose kids lost their love of soccer because they were constantly chasing the next level instead of enjoying where they were. I’ve also seen families light up when they find the right fit—a club that values character, lets kids breathe, and helps them truly develop.
How Parents Can Navigate Tryouts
So how can parents make an informed decision?
Here are a few things to listen for:
- What’s the coach’s first talking point? Is it trophies or teaching?
- Does the club emphasize enjoyment and growth, or does it jump right to results and rankings?
- Are younger teams expected to travel constantly, or is local development the focus?
- Do they ask questions about your child as a person, or just as a player? (SPOILER ALERT: this is HUGE!)
- Are you given time to consider your options—or told you have 24 hours or the offer disappears?
A good club will be proud of its successes, yes—but it will be just as proud of how it helps kids grow, not just how many games it wins.
Go With Your Gut and Try Multiple Clubs!
At OYSA, we believe soccer is at its best when it helps kids fall in love with the game and themselves. Our goal is to support clubs that prioritize development, equity, and a deep respect for the athlete’s journey—not just the outcome, and we’ve got some amazing clubs doing that.
If you’re a parent choosing a club, remember this: your child has time. Find a place that honors that time, that builds joy now and skills for the future. Performance will come—if passion stays intact. No club will turn away players (except in rare circumstances) so try multiple ones out. Trust me, Monday’s club will still accept your registration fees on Thursday, or even next week!
And if you’re a coach or club leader, take a moment and reflect on your tryout messaging. What are you really saying to families during tryout season? Are you selling dreams, or helping build them, because they are two very different things.